Confess. Have you ever asked the internet a personal question? In a weak moment, have you ever asked your friend Google, “Who am I?” “Should I leave him?” “What am I going to do?” Or, not a question at all: “Please be quiet!”
I’ll assume by your silence that you are guilty.
While I am not considering leaving my spouse, it is possible I may have asked the internet god a question or two in a moment of desperation that would be more appropriately put to the good Lord himself or at very least a therapist.
Maybe you refuse to confess, and that’s fine. If you insist that you are far too centered to resort to such silliness, it’s no big deal. I won’t feel alone.
And here’s why.
Let’s take a look at how often Dr. Internet is asked these existential questions in a single month:
- “Should I leave him?” 1600
- “What am I going to do?” 6,600
- “Why are we here?” 14,800
- “Who am I?” ONE MILLION searches a month.
Only a 119 people a month ask the internet oracle to tell them how to stop yelling at their kids, so I guess I’m still not as normal as I’d hoped.
It was in just such a moment of desperation that I was recently pondering the chaos of my life and wondering how to get my act together, get my house together–the noble thoughts of womanhood. I resolved that I needed to get the kids back to helping out around the house after the pandemonium of the holidays.
So, I sat down to make a chore chart. I was just about to ask Señor Internet for advice on the matter when something came back to me through the echoing, alzheimery corridors of my mind. There was a site filled with all sorts of child slavery advice, complete with the chore charts I needed AND the cheerful fatalism I so enjoy. In fact, it was written by someone I knew–in fact, someone I loved dearly, despised deeply and indulged greatly.
Yes, it was the ghost of me past, who died a tragic death due to complications related to a stressful move, financial turmoil and becoming a working mother. Now, as I prepare to resettle back into at-home motherhood, I’m in the amusing situation of having to turn to my old dead self to remember how to do things, like parent children. That said, I’m actually more organized, responsible and tidy than she was, albeit much grumpier.
Yet, as I read through the blatherings of this naïve woman, I realized that one, I miss her. Two, I have a practical thing or two to learn from my old self, and three, I think the past two years have given me a little more insight into these things. So, I decided to return and co-blog with my old, dead self. Kind of like Natalie Cole.
I’m hoping that in the process, I’ll resurrect not just the blog, but some of the enthusiasm I once had and remind myself how hilarious raising children can be. That way, maybe my future self, once she’s also forgotten both how to parent and that she had a parenting blog, she’ll stumble upon me, the long dead ghost of me present, and the three of us together will manage to hold on for more than one week the lessons of life.
So, in the end, my very own forgotten piece of the internet solved some of my child rearing questions, and because my mind is a sieve and I can’t remember squat, it’s all fresh and new to me!
Which leads me to my next internet search, “Do I have alzheimers?” Me and 91 other inquiring minds want to know.