Thanks to Siri and a little bit more spare time, maybe I will do better at my family journal otherwise known as my blog. You'll have to forgive dictation mistakes, I'm talking and multitasking.
Last Friday was my last day of full-time employment. I have given my company until October 31 to keep me on as an employee, and I am technically still at my normal salary and have to cover whatever needs to be covered, but I can work the hours I have and go in only when I have to. This means I can be with my kids anytime they are not in school.
Even better, my company is going to continue to use me in the future. I am starting an independent marketing firm along with a fantastic designer that I met through this job. We together have a lot of contacts, and although I am not completely ready, work is already coming in! So I will still do things for my company as their agency of record, primarily strategic planning and creative production, as well as event planning for their annual conferences. I hope to find some good subcontractors so I can keep my hours down and really keep the commitment that I have made to my family to always be available whenever they are out of school/work.
So today is my first day where all my kids are in school! Ben doesn't start for two weeks, but he went to scout camp early this morning.
It definitely is a new phase of life.
If I really do some soul-searching, I need to be honest with myself that the chaos and the intense work schedule of the past years has been necessary, but also a very handy excuse for not accomplishing my goals, parenting the way I should, and truly investing in my home and family in a way that would help us all. There is part of me that is nervous that now I have no excuses.
If I go all in on the homefront, and everything turns out horribly, there is nothing else to point the finger to–it is all on me. But it always was, whether I accepted it or not. When I was homeschooling and people would say, "I can't take on the responsibility for all of my child's education!" I would think, you already have that responsibility, whether you delegate part of it or not. I still feel that way, although I do delegate much of it myself now. I am still the one who is responsible at the end of the day.
So really my responsibilities have not changed, I just feel the concern that I will fall short. Franchise marketing comes more easily to me than being a mother in Israel, which I guess is a little bit unfortunate, since what I am best at is so much less important. But thankfully, I know that the Lord is with me in this, and with him as a senior companion, I can have trust that it will turn out as it should.